English spelling

European Union Directive No. 68339877722653

The European Union Commissioners have recently announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German which was also vigorously supported.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year the letter "S" will be used instead of the soft letter "C". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "C" will be replaced with the letter "K". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "PH" will be replaced with the single letter "F". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. In adition, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "E's" in the languag is disgrasful and they wil go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptive to steps such as replasing "TH" with "Z", and "W" wiz "V".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary leter "O" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "OU" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and everivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru!

Heil Hitler

Last Modified

Last modified: 28 November 2020.